How To: Mindfully Meditate
Let me preface this by saying, I’m by no means a professional in this space. I’m a couple of years into my practice, and still have a lot to learn. That said, this was how I got my start and what I’ve picked up since then — and remember: judgement free zone. (Plus free resources from actual pros…)
Once upon a time, I was a small-town spring chicken with big dreams, a fast metabolism, and an entire collection of unhealthy coping mechanisms. But actually. Like Disney’s beloved red-headed mermaid, I had gadgets and gizmos, aplenty, anxiety and emotion-aversion, galore!
Conflict stressed me out, I felt nauseous at the thought of feeling much of anything real, and I suppressed EVERYTHING into teeny tiny boxes and shoved them to the back of the closet in my mind. Feelings? Not today, satan.
It wasn’t until I started therapy that I could no longer avoid everything I’d been shoving down. The doors were about to bust off the hinges, like Rebecca Bloomwood’s closet in Confessions of a Shopaholic. And no matter how loud my fight or flight system was shouting, “Do not answer this call, it’s Derek Smeeth!” I knew the time had come to face it all head-on.
When first introduced to meditation, I was convinced I was a crock of shit, and that it wouldn’t/couldn’t be of any value to me. Clearly, there was still some reaaaally strong aversion to facing reality. It definitely took a few sessions to open up and actually became a bit easier after some EMDR with Gemma for me to trust my inner psyche, but it finally started to work.
In my mind, I thought meditation was about stopping all of your thoughts and sitting in an expansive white space with nothing but the sound of air subtly wooshing by. A MAJOR fear for someone with anxiety that’s CONSTANTLY running the gamut of thoughts — what if this, what if that, etc. And with a shift of perspective, by way of an introduction to a guided mindful meditation with my therapist, I learned there was hope, after all.
Being mindful basically boils down to being aware of what’s going on in your (you guessed it) mind. In my case, I learned to be mindful of how I was feeling in times of anxiety or anger, how to eat mindfully, rather than by disassociating, and how to walk myself back down to a more grounded and calmer state, among so many other things. It’s not about solving the bigger problems, or cinematic-quality aha moments (though they do come on occasion), it’s about taking the time to pause, check in with yourself, LISTEN, and trust what comes up.
For me, learning to trust myself and making the (safe) space for whatever thoughts bubbled up — good or bad — was incredibly difficult at first. Gemma taught me about a technique called ‘noting’, which helped a LOT. Not having to have answers or even dive into every thought that entered my mind made it a lot easier to 1. focus, and 2. allow myself the time (and space) to unpack some of those teeny tiny boxes.
As previously mentioned, I’m by no means an expert — but I’ve found guided meditations a LOT easier than unguided, especially while starting out. With the sheer amount of uncertainty looming all around us — especially as we move into the fall and winter, I’ve found that Headspace is a very powerful tool to help keep me grounded and on my intended path. (Side note: more than happy to talk favorite lessons — there’s so so so many great ones in the app. I know they’re currently offering a free trial, and a big discount on an annual membership if it’s something you enjoy and find value in. And no, this isn’t sponsored — just a superfan.)
Tips for Getting Started with Mindfulness and Meditation:
I commend you for being interested enough to get this far. The most important tips I can give you for getting started, are:
Set intent, not expectations. Go into every session (especially in the beginning) with ZERO expectations — only focus on setting an intent. For example, if your anxiety is spooled up, find your comfortable space and position, take a few deep breaths, and put out into the universe what you need. I’ve found that the easiest way for me is to say (either to myself or out loud) I need help with _fill in the blank_ — i.e. my anxiety, getting out of this funk, understanding what I’m feeling, etc.
Don’t start with long meditations. 10 minutes or less is plenty for getting started. Don’t rush it.
Whatever happens, happens. Try not to fight your thoughts, or like me, solve problems during your sessions. Just use this time to connect with and listen to your body and mind. Refer back to the noting technique, if needed.
Don’t feel the need to pay for apps. I recommend Headspace, which does offer a few free lessons — but there are so many great meditations and lessons on YouTube, and probably Spotify, too, if you are more budget-conscious right now. Listen to your gut (and your bank account.)
Practice regularly. TBH, this is still one of the biggest challenges for me. I’ll do a few days in a row and start to feel better about a situation, etc., then stop. Every person who’s further along in their practice than me says to practice regularly. I’ve heard it’s best to do 5-10 minutes a day, every day, rather than an hour-long session once a week. Makes sense, right?
Free Resources for Getting Started with Mindul Meditation:
I wanted to pull a few of my favorite free Headspace resources together to help get you started with your practice.
Changing Perspective
A minute-ish-long video to help shift your perspective on what meditation’s really all about.
The Noting Technique
Another minute-ish long video to help find greater focus through the help of the noting technique.
Reset: Decompress Your Body and Mind
A 10-minute guided meditation to shake the muck off, find calm, and reset.
Fireside Meditation at Lake Powell
This soothing 12-minute guided meditation can be used with audio only, or with the added video.
Stressed?
I mean, who isn’t, really? This 10-minute guided meditation helps reframe stressful situations in your mind.
Sunday Scaries: A Mini Mediation
This four-ish minute video helps shake the Sunday Scaries and preps us for a better week.
Keep Me in the Loop
Let me know how you do on Instagram. We can help keep each other accountable.