New Year’s Resolutions: 2019

3… 2… 1…

I’ve always found it easier to set goals, rather than resolutions, on New Year’s Eve. Something about having a specific outcome, versus an open-ended vision, was easier to “nail down” — and also felt more structured in terms of accountability.

But I’ve found that it’s also easier to tear myself down if I didn’t reach the goal, or if something unexpected ends up taking precedence. Maybe an open-ended resolution to do something better or be better is the better way to do it.

I’m challenging my logic, and trying something new this year. While I had already previously written a list of five goals for the new year, I decided to edit them into resolutions, and strip away the hard numbers, “per weeks”, and “by x” dates. Rather than looking at the numbers, and saying, “I achieved x,” I want to be able to tell the story. How does my body, brain, and soul feel?

Removing the barrier to achievement gives me the space to feel achievement at any point, not only once the goal is reached. It takes away the pressure, the measurement, and the comparison (against myself, or others), and at the end of the day, we set these annual resolutions to do and be better, not as part of a competition.

I’m sure I’ll come up with other things throughout the year, but my focus will be these core five.

My Top 5 Resolutions for 2019:

1. Practice yoga for mindfulness, meditation, and flexibility

   Earlier this year, I participated in a six-week body-positive yoga workshop, called Eat Breathe Thrive. The mission: provide skills and resources for healthy eating, emotional resilience, and positive embodiment, through community, embodiment, and service.

   Not only was I surprised at how easy it was to be vulnerable and share some of my darkest inner thoughts about my body, shame, and eating disorder, I also found tremendous relief from both physical and emotional tension after the yoga sessions.

   I’m excited to take a more active approach to practicing yoga into the new year, especially with all my new gear (thanks, Michelle!)
   

2. Quit diet soda (AGAIN), and learn to like water.

   Ughhh, again. TL;DR: I used to be hardcore addicted to Diet Coke, but gave it up because Aspartame is evil. Diet Pepsi became the answer to my prayers when they released an Aspartame-free version. Fast forward six or so months and they switched back to the demon-sweetener. (And apparently offer both, but haven’t been able to find the new version anywhere.) Coooool. I got re-hooked and have been a slave to the addiction headache ever since.

   I’m going cold turkey starting the first — so if I’m a little ragey this week, please accept my apology in advance. And if you have ways to make water more enjoyable, please let me know. I’ve tried fruit, but ehhhh.
   

3. Find a better balance of adventure and downtime.

   As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m much worse than a couch potato. I think I likened myself to a bed bug — which, in hindsight, is probably not the cutest thing… What lounges (and snacks) a lot while maintaining its cuteness? A koala? Oh, but they have STDs or something. Anyway…

   I’m a MF. Home. Body. (and generally proud.) But after I started dating the boy, I realized that I probably was too keen on staying in my cave (as judged by his skin crawling when I hit ‘Play Next Episode” on Gilmore Girls for the fourth time since breakfast.)

   I’m not built to be in the world 21/7. As a true introvert, my energy (rapidly) depletes when I’m around more than three people for any period longer than seven and a half minutes. That being said, I could also benefit greatly from the exposure to the real world, and not just my TV friends. It would also be nice to actually explore (or at least see) the city I moved to, two years ago. LOL.
   

4. Be more fiscally responsible.

   Ohhhh, sensitive subject. (Paces frantically while awkwardly stumbling over words like Anna Kendrick or Dakota Johnson)

   Basically: spend less, save more, and for the love of God, limit the fucking Postmates orders.
   

5. Continue to find, understand, and explore my why.

There are a myriad of coping mechanisms, tools, and things to consider once you start regularly seeing a therapist. It can be more draining than a full-time job unboxing, sorting, and working through all of your emotional baggage — only you’re never really off the clock because you have to put all these bumpers, processes, and check-ins into place for it to actually work.

One thing I’m working on right now is around food — or my relationship with food, more specifically. I’ve been a fad-dieter for as long as I can remember but always fell back into a binge. In the holistic approach that I’m working on, there needs to be a “why” associated with the change. (And this is why can’t be, “to look better, be more thin, or anything related to societal expectations of beauty.)

While I quickly came up with a few surface-level whys, I’d like to carve out some space (both mental and actual time) to dig a little deeper, better understand, and push the limits of my rationale — with the ultimate goal of using this list as the driver behind the lifestyle change.

So, what about you?

Are you setting any goals or resolutions for the new year? Do you hold yourself accountable to specifics, or are you more of a free-range resolutioner?